Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Out of the Project


It's been forever since I wrote in here. I'm no longer doing the date along as I'm seeing somebody exclusively and it's all rather lovely and we're ticking along nicely. It's not PhD boy from before, it's somebody I dated last year for a couple of months. He writes for a living, so I'm going to nickname him Scribble. I realised that although PhD boy was nice and everything, Scribble makes me much happier and more content, he just *gets* me. And so we've been getting each other for a good few weeks, the sparks are sparkier than with anybody else, he makes me laugh and we give each other butterflies. All the good stuff. Plus hand holding and smooching.

If y'all are (un)lucky, I might share my mightmare dating tales from last year. I have the best worst date stories I think.

Monday, March 29, 2010

I've taken the plunge.

Here's my story: 4 months ago, my boyfriend of 5 years broke it off. I've been getting used to living alone again (the first time in 10 years!) and reconnecting with old friends. I've also been working far too much, and finding myself needing some new social outlets. I've already had a couple crushes- both are totally unattainable dudes who I've known for a long time and admire a lot. One lives across the country, and the other would break a lot of social boundaries (bros before hos, etc). At the prompting of friends and after reading all of the other date-a-longers adventures, I signed up on OKCupid.

I find OKCupid to be a strange thing- more or less shopping for people- but entertaining as well. After a couple one liner messages from clueless dudes, I've gotten a couple decent messages as well.

I've already got my first date lined up- he seemed to be OKCupid stalking me, then finally sent a message. We have a lot in common (same industry for work); he comes off as a little juvenile and cocky, but he's a chef- I think it's to be expected. We exchanged a couple messages and have chatted on the IM feature on OKCupid. We're going to pub trivia for our date. I think its a great idea for a first date - its a bar we're both familiar with, and we'll have an activity and something to talk about if we get lost for conversation. I'm not convinced I'll like this guy that much, but I've got to get out of the gate at some point, right?

So now we come down to the important part: what to wear. Notes- I'm coming straight from work, and this is at a pub where jeans and tees are the norm. Luckily its okay for me to wear jeans at work. Onward with the outfits!

#1- casual jeans and awesome red sweater

#2- a little dressier jeans and red and black blouse

#3- everyone loves the 80's jeans and sweater

It will be raining for days, so rain boots are a likely option for shoes.

Wish me luck - it's been practically 5 1/2 years since I've been on a date. I'm a little nervous!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Single again!

So! Update: no more Lady E, Cookies or other random people. I am single. And now I want to be single actually. Cookies and I broke up whatever we had this Tuesday and have not heard from him since except the odd text. I'm halfways relieved, halfways melancholic. I think it is good though, we were probably not the best match ever (the sex wasn't even that good) I will miss his sweet sweet body though. That's about it. That and (sometimes) feeling like a trophy-girlfriend. I kind of liked that part actually.

I met someone nice this weekend, stayed the night even (no sex though, just saying) :) And it was just super duper nice to be with someone who is
a) really feminist. And actually understands this thing about social structures and what not.
b) is really left-wing.
c) made me breakfast with coffee and everything.
d) actually made plans with me for meeting up again.
I.e. was behaving like a decent normal person.

I doubt that this will make it into dating. But I have to say this: it was good to get some perspective.

I found a note that I had written about a year ago, after the breakup with Fireboy:

It is ok to be alone too.

And that kind of says it all. It is ok to be alone too. And it really is. I do want someone longterm, but I think it is time to take a break from all the dating, relax, enjoy some "me-time" too. It has been cool though to find out that yes. I am actually attractive. Yes I can go to dates and get asked out again. It is not always me who has to do all the work. And you know what? That is freaking rad!

Lala's a creepster.

So I'm back on OKC after the whole lame Falafel boy thing. Last weekend, I was sick, so I messaged people all day long. Which turned out to be kind of silly because I did not have the time to respond to everyone throughout the week, and the responses were overwhelming.

There's a guy, we'll call him PDX. He's new to the area too, but in his profile, he talks about digging the local music scene. It was kind of hard to tell if he had any interest in me, but we exchanged messages about where we get our info from and stuff. And that was it.

Anyway, I went out to an album drop on Friday, by myself (though I knew a couple people there), and recognized him. I had already had a handful of beers so I approached him. We danced together, then hit up another bar after the first one closed, then I kissed him! But I was drunk! And all the details are foggy! But he was too, so I don't feel like the awkward, drunk girl who doesn't remember anything. Well, I mean, I am that girl, but at least he's that guy too.

So we messaged back and forth a bit on OKC yesterday and decided to try a do-over, one that won't start out as drunkfest.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Complete disappointment...

So, it's been awhile since my last drunken post wherein I confessed that I drunkenly made out with Falafel Tattoo. Well, since that time, he and I decided to kind of try things out. We saw each other at least once or twice a week, texted/chatted everyday, he met my sister and brother in law, I met his freakin' father, we had plans for weeks ahead of time, etc... all the while we were still trying to get that spark going. So last week, he called and he asked me if I felt that we were kind of trying to force something that wasn't there. I agreed, and we both agreed that we would like to stay friends, since neither of us know many people down here. Which I felt great about, since that's what I thought I wanted the whole time! That was last Wednesday.

Well, this morning, my sister (whose friendship HE requested on facebook) directed my attention to his profile, which now boasts that he's 'in a relationship.' Whaaaa? He and I only had that convo nine days ago!

So I sent him a quick little note that read, "Just curious about this... I feel weird. I didn't think I would, but I do. Because we only had that discussion, like, a week ago."

And his response was long and convoluted about this girl that he pursued all last fall, but she wouldn't ever commit to a relationship. So, apparently, this girl shows back up two Saturdays ago and tells him that she is ready for more. THEN THE NEXT DAY, HE AND I SPENT ALL DAY TOGETHER: AT A PARK, AT DINNER, AT ALICE IN WONDERLAND, MAKING OUT, SPENDING THE NIGHT, HAVING BREAKFAST, etc. (It was two days after this date that he called about being just friends.) He said "I'm sorry the facebook vine communicates faster than I do"... like facebook decided ON ITS OWN to announce to the world about his new relationship. He said "The last intention I ever had was to hurt you or make you feel like shit. I'm sorry I'm an asshole, I guess."

So I said "Best of luck in life and love" and I'm pretty sure that's gonna be the end of that communication between us.


Monday, March 15, 2010

A modern girl?

My mom called me "a very modern girl" the other day, in reference to my very hectic dating schedule, and I kind of have to agree. I think/hope that when/if I find someone I really like, one person will be enough for me. After all, this is getting exhausting. Mom also, whisperingly asked "so, uh, I hope you're protecting yourself" Yes Mom, I am. I'm protecting myself, and no I don't sleep with all of them. Hardly any of them actually, and then only very seldomly.

Anyways, here is this week's schedule:
Monday: shopping with Cookies. Still haven't really decided on him. I really like him and the kissing is great but once we get into bed... bleh. I'm just too observing and so is he. Not that good a match. Still not willing to completely give up though since I actually am starting to like him. He's very refreshing! Don't always know what's going on in his head though, very seldomly know. I hardly think he knows to be quite honest! I tried to add him as a boyfriend on FB but he refused whereupon I upped my dating game again after a couple of slow weeks! And then today (i.e. Monday) he asked me if I was his girlfriend "no dude after you said no I said I'd wait another month again, you can't just always have it your way!" Also I found out he's been seeing another girl (I ran into them this Friday. And she's fucking awesome! I call her Lady E. I kind of think she and Cookies would make a far better couple than me and Cookies, but apparently he doesn't agree. Well that's what he's saying to me, but what should he say y'know?)
Tuesday: Cookies again, we're going to " a couples dinner" Scary stuff but should be fun! With some of his friends.
Wednesday: datefree night!
Thursday: going to a concert with PhD, should be fun! I LOVE the band!!! So if nothing else, that is going to be awesome! I've been out with him two times before. He's super cool, but I don't know if the chemistry is there, or if he's just another shy PhD student... The kino this far has been... non-existent. Not a good sign in my book, but on the other hand he's hilarious, cute and intelligent.
Friday: going on a date with Lady E, before we meet up with Cookies. Cookies does not know about this yet. Don't know if I'll tell him either. Should be fun. I hope we don't get stuck on the "so we've both been going out with Cookies for a while now.."-topic. Last time we met we talked about lego, nintendo and the joys of going to gay bars...
Saturday: this far free, but I'm hoping for Mystery. Mystery is a guy I met this weekend. And I kind of asked his friend for his number. Now I don't know his friend either but found her on FB after a bit of stalking. I have no idea how to phrase my text though "hello Mystery... I want to go out. No I'm not a crazy stalker" is as far as I thought. Which is not an excellent text. At all. It makes me sound deranged and stalker-ish. Which I'm not!
Sunday: this far free

This all started out as a way to get me out the door and into the dating world but I think it is getting out of hand. I think that I'll not meet up with anyone new in a while actually, just sort these ones out... And then maybe be by myself for a while. This excercise has taught me that there are a lot of super cool people out there in the world. And that I'm fucking awesome and can get a lot of dates; sometimes I do the asking, sometimes they do the asking. It feels great being asked out! If you meet someone that person doesn't have to be The One, it is indeed ok to just move on to the next one if the chemistry isn't right after a couple of dates. Don't rule people out too quickly. Oh, and even if someone is way better looking than you, you can still be out of their league!

All in all: fun times to be had!

Monday, March 1, 2010

New Girl FTW

Ok you guys, I just disabled my OkC profile. It seems that the new girl and I really hit it off last weekend, and I'm just not really interested in continuing to go on dates for now. Sorry, OkC, it's been fun!

But, last weekend was even funner :) We went exploring in some strange industrial parts of Jersey, came back to my house and cooked up a vegan feast, watched movies, talked and talked and talked, and she ended up sleeping over and spending part of the morning as well. What I really like about her - besides that she is really cute and weird and shares a whole bunch of my interests - is that she seems really honest and forthright. She initiated the first kiss - just outright suggested it while we were sitting on this pier - as well as said that she would like to not have sex right away (I agree, for once in my life). We even talked about that whole "oh god, I just woke up in someone else's bed, what am I thinking?" scenario - I've been there more than I like to admit - but somehow the discussion was not uncomfortable or full of pressure, and the next morning just seemed natural and easy. So, although it's too soon to say we're in a relationship or anything, I'm bowing out of this blog and OkC for privacy's sake and to see where things go. Thanks for being such a nice place to vent and spill my guts! I will continue to visit to read what the rest of you lovely ladies are up to. Happy trails!