Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I almost gave up on OkCupid. Maybe I'm super picky, but I don't find men who tell me how lonely they are very attractive. I also do not appreciate my self portraits being criticized, thank you very much. If you like me, don't message me to tell me my photos are all wrong.
Finally a message came that was worth responding to. It was well written and it was evident that my profile was read before a message was created. And he was cute, not in his 30s (or 40s+) and intelligent. All good things.
Soon, a date was set up. Dinner. My nerves were all frazzled but we clicked pretty immediately.
He's from a small-ish town (like I am) and he smiled a lot. We talked about topics that ranged from the silly to the serious. He seemed to find me humorous and I happened to find him charming.
So charming, in fact, that I got into his car to continue the date at a bar. We got a few more drinks there and listened to a crazy conglomeration of music. (The music seemed to be mostly from our middle school and high school dance days.)
And at the end of the date, we hugged (and then kissed a bit) and we went our separate ways.
I've already started the ball rolling on date #2. I hope it goes well, I got good feelings from this guy.
For blogging purposes, I've decided his name will be "Jude."
Saturday, April 17, 2010
So far, I turned off the IM within a day or two because it was just distracting, ignored a few guys, messaged a few guys and actually went out with one and need to make plans with another. I'm not much of a drinker (and have this stated on my profile) so my date (let's call him Jargon) and I talked about playing minigolf. When I texted him to see when he wanted to meet up, he called me to say he was getting food with some friends right next to the minigolf place and did I want to hang out that night. I agreed and met him and one of his friends at the restaurant/bar. We're all in different aspects of marketing, so we had some great conversation about work and the industry in general. Jargon is really fond of some of the latest buzzwords and is all about Twitter and Social Media and Community Building. Jargon and his friend have both drinking for a few hours before I got there it seems.
After Jargon's friend leaves, Jargon tries to be flirty with me--hold my hand, put his arm around me, etc. I tell him I'm really not ready for anything and he says he's not looking for anything either. I have to explain that I mean I'm not ready for anything physical. Meanwhile, Jargon has been drinking this whole time so is somewhat tipsy by this point. When I express my views on drinking and socializing, he tells me how great drinking and getting high is and how he wishes more people would get high more often! Not really the kind of person I want to hang with or was looking for on OKCupid. Lesson learned: match % is only accurate when people answer the profile questions (honestly).
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
It's been forever since I wrote in here. I'm no longer doing the date along as I'm seeing somebody exclusively and it's all rather lovely and we're ticking along nicely. It's not PhD boy from before, it's somebody I dated last year for a couple of months. He writes for a living, so I'm going to nickname him Scribble. I realised that although PhD boy was nice and everything, Scribble makes me much happier and more content, he just *gets* me. And so we've been getting each other for a good few weeks, the sparks are sparkier than with anybody else, he makes me laugh and we give each other butterflies. All the good stuff. Plus hand holding and smooching.
If y'all are (un)lucky, I might share my mightmare dating tales from last year. I have the best worst date stories I think.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Here's my story: 4 months ago, my boyfriend of 5 years broke it off. I've been getting used to living alone again (the first time in 10 years!) and reconnecting with old friends. I've also been working far too much, and finding myself needing some new social outlets. I've already had a couple crushes- both are totally unattainable dudes who I've known for a long time and admire a lot. One lives across the country, and the other would break a lot of social boundaries (bros before hos, etc). At the prompting of friends and after reading all of the other date-a-longers adventures, I signed up on OKCupid.
I find OKCupid to be a strange thing- more or less shopping for people- but entertaining as well. After a couple one liner messages from clueless dudes, I've gotten a couple decent messages as well.
I've already got my first date lined up- he seemed to be OKCupid stalking me, then finally sent a message. We have a lot in common (same industry for work); he comes off as a little juvenile and cocky, but he's a chef- I think it's to be expected. We exchanged a couple messages and have chatted on the IM feature on OKCupid. We're going to pub trivia for our date. I think its a great idea for a first date - its a bar we're both familiar with, and we'll have an activity and something to talk about if we get lost for conversation. I'm not convinced I'll like this guy that much, but I've got to get out of the gate at some point, right?
So now we come down to the important part: what to wear. Notes- I'm coming straight from work, and this is at a pub where jeans and tees are the norm. Luckily its okay for me to wear jeans at work. Onward with the outfits!
#1- casual jeans and awesome red sweater
#2- a little dressier jeans and red and black blouse
#3- everyone loves the 80's jeans and sweater
It will be raining for days, so rain boots are a likely option for shoes.
Wish me luck - it's been practically 5 1/2 years since I've been on a date. I'm a little nervous!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
There's a guy, we'll call him PDX. He's new to the area too, but in his profile, he talks about digging the local music scene. It was kind of hard to tell if he had any interest in me, but we exchanged messages about where we get our info from and stuff. And that was it.
Anyway, I went out to an album drop on Friday, by myself (though I knew a couple people there), and recognized him. I had already had a handful of beers so I approached him. We danced together, then hit up another bar after the first one closed, then I kissed him! But I was drunk! And all the details are foggy! But he was too, so I don't feel like the awkward, drunk girl who doesn't remember anything. Well, I mean, I am that girl, but at least he's that guy too.
So we messaged back and forth a bit on OKC yesterday and decided to try a do-over, one that won't start out as drunkfest.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Well, this morning, my sister (whose friendship HE requested on facebook) directed my attention to his profile, which now boasts that he's 'in a relationship.' Whaaaa? He and I only had that convo nine days ago!
So I sent him a quick little note that read, "Just curious about this... I feel weird. I didn't think I would, but I do. Because we only had that discussion, like, a week ago."
And his response was long and convoluted about this girl that he pursued all last fall, but she wouldn't ever commit to a relationship. So, apparently, this girl shows back up two Saturdays ago and tells him that she is ready for more. THEN THE NEXT DAY, HE AND I SPENT ALL DAY TOGETHER: AT A PARK, AT DINNER, AT ALICE IN WONDERLAND, MAKING OUT, SPENDING THE NIGHT, HAVING BREAKFAST, etc. (It was two days after this date that he called about being just friends.) He said "I'm sorry the facebook vine communicates faster than I do"... like facebook decided ON ITS OWN to announce to the world about his new relationship. He said "The last intention I ever had was to hurt you or make you feel like shit. I'm sorry I'm an asshole, I guess."
So I said "Best of luck in life and love" and I'm pretty sure that's gonna be the end of that communication between us.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Anyways, here is this week's schedule:
Monday: shopping with Cookies. Still haven't really decided on him. I really like him and the kissing is great but once we get into bed... bleh. I'm just too observing and so is he. Not that good a match. Still not willing to completely give up though since I actually am starting to like him. He's very refreshing! Don't always know what's going on in his head though, very seldomly know. I hardly think he knows to be quite honest! I tried to add him as a boyfriend on FB but he refused whereupon I upped my dating game again after a couple of slow weeks! And then today (i.e. Monday) he asked me if I was his girlfriend "no dude after you said no I said I'd wait another month again, you can't just always have it your way!" Also I found out he's been seeing another girl (I ran into them this Friday. And she's fucking awesome! I call her Lady E. I kind of think she and Cookies would make a far better couple than me and Cookies, but apparently he doesn't agree. Well that's what he's saying to me, but what should he say y'know?)
Tuesday: Cookies again, we're going to " a couples dinner" Scary stuff but should be fun! With some of his friends.
Wednesday: datefree night!
Thursday: going to a concert with PhD, should be fun! I LOVE the band!!! So if nothing else, that is going to be awesome! I've been out with him two times before. He's super cool, but I don't know if the chemistry is there, or if he's just another shy PhD student... The kino this far has been... non-existent. Not a good sign in my book, but on the other hand he's hilarious, cute and intelligent.
Friday: going on a date with Lady E, before we meet up with Cookies. Cookies does not know about this yet. Don't know if I'll tell him either. Should be fun. I hope we don't get stuck on the "so we've both been going out with Cookies for a while now.."-topic. Last time we met we talked about lego, nintendo and the joys of going to gay bars...
Saturday: this far free, but I'm hoping for Mystery. Mystery is a guy I met this weekend. And I kind of asked his friend for his number. Now I don't know his friend either but found her on FB after a bit of stalking. I have no idea how to phrase my text though "hello Mystery... I want to go out. No I'm not a crazy stalker" is as far as I thought. Which is not an excellent text. At all. It makes me sound deranged and stalker-ish. Which I'm not!
Sunday: this far free
This all started out as a way to get me out the door and into the dating world but I think it is getting out of hand. I think that I'll not meet up with anyone new in a while actually, just sort these ones out... And then maybe be by myself for a while. This excercise has taught me that there are a lot of super cool people out there in the world. And that I'm fucking awesome and can get a lot of dates; sometimes I do the asking, sometimes they do the asking. It feels great being asked out! If you meet someone that person doesn't have to be The One, it is indeed ok to just move on to the next one if the chemistry isn't right after a couple of dates. Don't rule people out too quickly. Oh, and even if someone is way better looking than you, you can still be out of their league!
All in all: fun times to be had!
Monday, March 1, 2010
But, last weekend was even funner :) We went exploring in some strange industrial parts of Jersey, came back to my house and cooked up a vegan feast, watched movies, talked and talked and talked, and she ended up sleeping over and spending part of the morning as well. What I really like about her - besides that she is really cute and weird and shares a whole bunch of my interests - is that she seems really honest and forthright. She initiated the first kiss - just outright suggested it while we were sitting on this pier - as well as said that she would like to not have sex right away (I agree, for once in my life). We even talked about that whole "oh god, I just woke up in someone else's bed, what am I thinking?" scenario - I've been there more than I like to admit - but somehow the discussion was not uncomfortable or full of pressure, and the next morning just seemed natural and easy. So, although it's too soon to say we're in a relationship or anything, I'm bowing out of this blog and OkC for privacy's sake and to see where things go. Thanks for being such a nice place to vent and spill my guts! I will continue to visit to read what the rest of you lovely ladies are up to. Happy trails!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Well anyway. The new girl is still away on vacation, but I couldn't wait and sent her a "how's it going, wanna hang out saturday?" email on Monday. She wrote back to say she would be away this weekend as well, but suggested something early next week. So, as usual I am nervous. But we'll see what happens and I will refrain from checking out her OKC profile and thinking about how awesome she is. For the next five days, she does not exist.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Date with Farce was... ok. Not the best ever, not the worst ever. I'd be up to seeing him again. As we parted ways we just said "ok then, see you 8th of March (since he's going to a party I'm arranging to celebrate that the International Womes Day celebrates 100 year anniversary!)
And Waterplant Dude and I are probably meeting up sometime this week. We'll see...
And there is maybe another player in the field who I will call Young One. He has some promise for sure; can actually write coherently (big bonus) cute from the pictures I've seen and has a dirty mind (gotta love that) We'll see if it actually ends up in a date some time. As for now, exchanging dirty e-mails is fun! :)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Then yesterday, a girl I had been messaging with a little bit (and who I thought seemed really rad) invited me to go to a show at my favorite venue in the city. So we ended up hanging out last night and it was...awesome. We have a ton of things in common, from specific interests to general outlook on life. She is really hot in a totally nerdy kind of way and seems grounded and compassionate and spontaneous and quirky. She is pretty much the exact kind of person I want to date, and she said she wants to hang out again. She's going out of town for a week (which is why the last-minute plans last night) but we have plans to take a walk next week.
So, what should I do? Would it be disingenuous to go out with the ESL instructor on Sunday if I know I'm kind of smitten with the new girl? If there were no new girl, I think I'd be really excited about Sunday, but now I'm worried that I'll make things awkward. But if I do go on Sunday (which I feel like is the only polite thing to do) and I feel weird about it, what do I say? Ohhhh, I hate hurting people's feelings.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Given that I just accepted a great job offer in Seattle and will be moving in a month, I switched my OKC profile to list my hometown as Seattle. "Bring on the dates!" I thought gleefully and...
Nada. Not a single message, wink, IM, nothing.
Being one not content to let the world bypass her, I boldly messaged a few people that looked interesting.
Is everyone so coupled up in Seattle that some fresh blood is unnecessary? C'mon people, date me!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Date #2 with Movie-boy. To refresh your memory: I contacted him first, we geeked out on the first date at an ale house, but I did not see any definite sparks. He called the very next day to suggest a movie later in the week, and heeding the internet's advice, I decided to give it another whirl. So. I'm not going to generalize this particular experience into a definitive answer to the "can spark grow when there's no spark at first," but in this case, the answer is a definite no.
The date itself was pretty good. We went to the a la carte section of Whole Foods for a bite, because it's kind of a pain to find vegan restaurants and because it's cheap if you're already going out. We sat upstairs and chatted, then wandered over to the Rubin Museum, which has a great Friday night movie thing where you buy a drink and get to take it into the movie theater which has chairs and tables with little tea lights instead of movie theater seating. The movie was totally weird and kind of hilarious, and I enjoyed the atmosphere, which was equally divided between old couples who are still totally doing date night and young people clearly on first dates.
So, Movie-boy kept kind of shifting in his seat every time I would move and I could tell right then that something was up. I should have known - but was nevertheless surprised - when he pulled the yaaaawn-and-now-my-arm-is-around-your-shoulders magic trick! I am not kidding. This move, which I thought could only be observed in action in the fictional world of Happy Days, is apparently alive and flourishing. To his credit, I think it was a risky move. But, um, having neither attempted nor received any flirtatious gestures whatsoever up to this point, it was just a bit much. The conversation all night had felt a bit mechanical. A lot of stuff about work, occasionally a polite question about family members or friends, but there was never a point where I felt we were really connecting. Anyway, after breaking the physical contact barrier, he did a lot of shoulder and arm stroking for the rest of the movie, which was not off-putting, but again definitely not inspiring, either.
If I were smart, I would have said thank you for a lovely evening right after the movie. But alas, I did not think quickly and ended up agreeing to go "look for food." Wandering downtown of a Friday night looking for a bar with all the NYU undergrads running wild all over the place was a terrible idea. We eventually took the train to a reliable bar in Brooklyn, had a drink, Movie-boy started yawning, and we decided to call it a night. A valiant effort by all parties. But unfortunately, I got an email the following day saying "we should hang out again when I'm not so tired and you're not getting over a cold!" I really doubt it was the cold, though. I'm going to have to be direct and let him know I'm not interested. Not looking forward.
Date #3 (first date) with the ESL instructor. This was a girl on OKC whom I emailed randomly because I thought she looked intriguing in her photos and her profile seemed to hint at things but gave few details. I kind of wanted to find out what she was all about, but didn't expect to actually hear back from her. On the contrary, she responded quickly and asked questions back, and we were soon emailing back and forth once a day or so. We decided to meet up this weekend, and the only day we were both free happened to be Sunday. The fact that it was V-day went (thankfully) unacknowledged, and we decided to have afternoon tea at Tea&Sympathy, this British tea house in Greenwich Village that we'd both heard a lot about. Conversation was good - she was a really good listener and as the date went on, began to tell really good stories. After several hours at the tea house, we decided to take a walk in the neighborhood. First to look at the dogs in Union Square (none, sadly), and then to go walk on the High Line. She's been in the city for many years and knew a ton about all the buildings and the piers and the high line itself, and just seemed like a great person to explore with. We ended up at the Cubby Hole, a tiny lesbian bar in the village, where we had a drink, but since it was really crowded and loud, decided to move the party to Brooklyn (a trend?), and ended up at Ginger's, another lesbian bar, this one in Park Slope. The conversation flowed really well, we went from city life to our childhoods to coming out stories to bizarre work stories. Every once in a while, it would get quiet, and we'd be like, "I'm so glad we did this!" Basically, it was a totally cute first date. Finally, something like six hours later, we decided to call it a night and said goodbye at the subway station. Traded texts when we got home. I think we'll be hanging out again.
Date #4 (another first date) with the native Brooklynite. This was tonight, a rescheduling of last Friday's attempt to meet at an installation at PS1 called The Meeting. So, instead of going to the installation (which they open an hour before sunset and is just a room with a hole in the ceiling and orange light that makes the exposed section of the sky look super-super blue), we ended up just meeting for a tea date at a tea house sort of half-way between our houses. I had walked from a yoga class and she was already there when I got there. We ended up chatting on the couch for about an hour before the place closed down and for another, like, 15-20 minutes outside while she had a cigarette and then just standing in the snow. She's super-cute in a punk girl kind of way, but I couldn't tell if she was shy or kind of thought I was not her type or something like that. We talked about all kinds of stuff, she seems like an adventurer in the world, which is really attractive, but I couldn't exactly get a read on whether she was comfortable, much less romantically inclined. No future dates were discussed, though we did talk about music venues in the city and out-of-the-way places to go. I'll probably email her after all the houseguests leave and try to set up an adventure. I'm really curious what she thought.
Whew, okay, that was the longest post ever. Thanks for reading this far. There's something about spilling your guts to the internet like this that makes me feel a little self-conscious. I know the whole "does blogging=exhibitionism?" question is so 2003, but I've never blogged about personal stuff before. So, double sorry for the navel gazing. But there are some more dates in the works, so I'm going to suck it up and power through. And then we'll vote! (Just kidding.) Later, dudes!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Well, it's been two weeks since then, and in that time, I have listened to music he's given me, chatted with him online, and had TWO dreams about making out with him.
He is in town this weekend and. We made out. Just kissed.
This is weird.
Oh and of course you're just dying to know what's going on with Cookies. Right? Right! So we've been in contact every now and then, and met up a couple of times more. He's super sweet actually, kind of hyper, I never get bored in his company, that's for sure! He's brought up the whole "so, are we a couple now?" question and I just avoided it... It is just all so sudden and intense so I think there's no need in rushing things, you know? And I kind of don't know how trustworthy he is. To be fair, he's always showed up when he said he would, driven me to school and the like in the mornings, taken me out to dinner (which I never go to normally) and all of those things. But he's just so different from all the people I know! Which doesn't need to be a bad thing. Ah I digress! The plan for Valentines is to build some things, and to watch a horror movie. So much fun! :)
And I haven't heard back from Waterplant Dude in ages. We exchanged texts and e-mails just after the date, but now haven't heard anything in more than a week. Hm.. I think I'll e-mail him to see how he's doing. He's fun, I liked him, though he was a bit boring in comparison. Though, when I really think about it, in the long run, that is probably a good thing.
So on the one end we have Farce and Waterplan Dude, who both are the kind of guy I normally go out with, and on the other side of the spectrum we have Cookies who is nothing of the kind. Only time will tell who wins in the long run! :)
I actually have a third date planned with Date #1. He is super, super nice and has not made the LEAST bit of a romantic overture toward me, which makes him feel nonthreatening. Heh. When he emails me, he asks about things that are going on in my life. He's very friendly and easy to talk to. He asked me out for Valentine's Day dinner, and I said sure but suggested a really casual place (local no-name Thai restaurant) so hopefully this will all just stay friendly. I like him, but geez, I've only met him in person two times. I just don't get wanting to make out or fool around with people you haven't known in person for quite a while---I mean, I GET it, and I think it can be awesome, but it's like my body doesn't get it. I just don't respond or develop a romantic interest in people until my warped little brain has determined them "safe," and that takes a really long time. Which is why I guess this online thing never works for me. Well. ...it's an experience, right?
Well, as to why I am single, mystery solved. *groan*
Monday, February 8, 2010
We met up around 7 at a cute little ale house in Brooklyn Heights and ended up geeking out for a couple of hours over film, grad school applications (his), dissertations (mine), academic publishing...all things I try not to trot out on the first date, cause people tend to find that stuff boring. We had the obligatory conversation about how we got to New York, what we think of our respective neighborhoods, and the daily commute. (That seems to be a more standard thing to talk about around here, though I think it's actually way more boring, cause you know, show, don't tell, right?) After 1.5 rounds (we split his second one), I was pretty starving, so we wandered over to a falafel place down the street where he insisted on buying me a falafel. There was talk of going to museums together (he wants to learn more about art) and movies as we stood on a streetcorner. There was an awkward hug, and then we skipped off to our respective subway stops.
So, this is where I admit that I have no idea what I think about this one. On the one hand, movie-character-boy seems super smart in a totally unpretentious way. He admits when he doesn't know a lot about something and shows an interest in my take on things. He's super-courteous, perhaps a little shy even, but not in a way that makes me feel like I have to drive the conversation. He's not exactly super-hot, but not unattractive: thin, glasses, short hair, closely-cropped beard and mustache, and kind of on the young-looking side. If I had to place a bet, I would predict a comb-over in middle age. But that can be cute in a professorial kind of way, right? Anyway, I can't tell if it was first-date shyness, manners, or a lack of chemistry, but there was no flirty joking, spontaneous touching, or anything like that. Now that I think about it, I'm realizing that I really wasn't as playful or silly as I usually am with my friends. I'm really into this kid's brains, but I wonder what he'd be like on the dance floor. I'm kind of looking for both. So, should I give it another go? Perhaps in a more spontaneous atmosphere? I wouldn't want to get stuck in the museum-movie zone with him, unless it were understood that we were just going to be friends/activity partners. But on the other hand, I worry about drawing people out this way and making them think I'm really into them when I'm just being playful and getting a sense of what they're like in different situations. Hmmm...this might take some planning.
*update* Movie-boy just called about going out again on Friday and the movie he suggested is...wait for it...The Man Who Fell to Earth! Okay, I will stop being a judgmental beyotch now. Woohoo!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Before the date we kind of had a constant contact going on which was nice, afterwards we haven't had much contact. Which probably has a lot to do with the fact that I said "uh... you don't have to constantly compliment me, you know that right?"
Oh well, now I kind of miss the attention :) And we haven't had the "so when shall we meet up next time" discussion, so maybe he doesn't want to have a next time. Which is ok I guess, but it has sure been interesting meeting someone who is just so, so different!
Friday, February 5, 2010
My date with F. is cancelled, likely permanently. His reason is that he has some drama in his primary relationship caused specifically by polyamory and doesn't know when/if it may be resolved. He expressed disappointment and frustration because there were "sparks" between us and this is now a lost connection.
Of course I think it's me - that I've said something wrong and of course I can't ask (how pathetic is that?)
So what can I do to turn this around?
1. I can believe that he cancelled the date for the reasons he gave.
2. I can continue to believe that he found me attractive and interesting.
3. I can be proud of myself for being truthful in all our correspondence about myself.
Rejection is inevitable. I just hope that I can learn to take it in stride.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I call him The Smiler because that was all he damn did. The WHOLE. TIME*. I seriously got maybe eight words out of this guy. I met him at a bar that I really like, a bar that is fully decked out in taxidermy and weird objects and lights and beads and shit. He commented on how cool it was, and I made a funny joke about Chili's. He laughed, and then when the laughter stopped, he looked at me and said... nothing. Okay, that's cool. I don't mind being the one to get the conversation going. I asked him about his work. He told me where it is located, and that he hates it. I asked him what it was he does at work. He told me really boring web design, and he hates it. Ok.... so what would you like to do instead? Well..... I'd like to work with food. Oh! how interesting! Are you a chef? Yeah, I went to culinary school, and I worked at a couple restaurants... And then nothing. A good conversation would start, and then just... stop. And he would just sit there and smile nervously. I had to prompt every single time for more info. ("What kind of restaurants?" "Did you like it?" "What kind of food do you like to make?")
I don't think I am an overbearing person, conversation-wise,** although I can be a bit of a chatterbox if you get me going. But there was just no give and take here. Over the hour-and-a-half date it went from awkward-cute to odd to unbearable. Finally I was so uncomfortable that I said I'd better get home, I had to work tomorrow.
It was 8:30.
Too bad, Smiler. I dunno, maybe he didn't like me? Anyway, moving on.
Date #4 is Thursday night. Dinner in Berkeley! This guy seems really funny. The downside: he continually---throughout his profile AND our message exchanges---refers to himself in the third person. Is Jimmy gonna like me?
Oh: and Rebel sent me a message and asked me out again. So I guess I have to negotiate the thoughtful-but-firm refusal. So bad at this....
*And because it sounds sort of ominous, right? Like Dick Tracy, or Batman!
**Then again, a year ago I didn't think I was a total BITCH, and one of my readers will contend that he hated me for several months because I was exactly that to him over Thanksgiving dinner. So please do correct me if I'm wrong.
Wednesday: Peter (herein known as The Guy). This date will likely completely kick off our poly relationship since there's been clarification on both sides. We're so into each other that I feel like a horny, giddy teenager. I absolutely cannot promise to keep my clothes on. SQUEEEEEEEEE!
Thursday: I've been "promised" a date by the mysterious Mr. M. Although this has the most potential to be a FWB situation, I absolutely promise to keep my clothes on.
Friday: Oh book group with middle-aged women, why must you consume my evening?
Saturday: First date with the poly F. (his preferred nickname). He's taking me (although I will bring cash) to a really nice restaurant. I've already bought two dresses, two pairs of shoes, and a new clutch in preparation and will book appointments for a hair cut/color, mani/pedi, and brow wax. I know that I'm fabulous as I am but there's also a way I want to look going into this date: self-assured, well-dressed, and sophisticated. All the better to make him melt. Based on our correspondence so far, SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sunday: Peter again if I can swing it but I think I may need to start paying attention to my non-date extracurriculars.
Anyways, I went on another date today with Waterplant Dude, so called since he has an aquarium which he keeps mainly since he really likes to take care of the water plants. He was funny, we had a cool somewhat nerdy discussion about various things. It was all very nice and jolly and... somewhat boring to be honest, not that spark that I'm looking for. That spark that some people have mentioned as "want to take you home" spark. Still, if he suggests a second date, I'll go for it! I think he might have been a bit nervous actually! And me a bit stressed about various things, so I was friendly and nice but could probably have been better/more focused.
I've also been thinking about this whole thing, whether it is such a good idea or not to go on a gazillion dates, and in the end. Yes. It is a good thing. But it is also really addictive to get that attention! I think I'll have to watch out so I wont get too addicted... Haha, well, try to not get addicted at least... :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Friday is a girl who messaged me about biking in the cold with whom I've had a nice back-and-forth the last few days. We're going to a movie. The second is a guy whom I messaged about his unique profile name - it is a movie character that inspired me to actually watch the movie. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay awake though it... But, I am certain it was because I was tired.
There is another craigslist girl who keeps doing this "we should hang out" thing, but when I suggest a time/place, she either takes days to respond or says something like "I'll let you know." The last time she called in advance to suggest we hang out on a Monday without wanting to specify a time/place, and then left a message on Sunday saying something like she was busy in the evening, but we should hang out during the day. Um, yea. Some of us have work. I'm trying really hard not to be annoyed by this behavior, but I may have to just be "really busy" next time I hear from her. And, now that I've got these two dates lined up, it may not be so far from the truth.
Now, just to pick the outfits and deal with the nerves...
Or is that just me brainstorming for my creative writing class?
But before I get started on him, let me say that I am only a couple dudes into my ten date challenge, and I can already see that this is going to do me some good. A friend of mine called this datealong "Dating School" for me, and really that is pretty accurate. The point of all this for me is not to meet Mister Right but to practice, to try myself out in a bunch of different situations with a bunch of different people. It feels very different to think about whether I'd like a second date with Guy X when I can literally see other possibilities. I'm one of those people who tends to think every guy I like is IT for me, which is not a good thing when their behavior takes a turn for the worse and I start making excuses for it.
And so, I maintain that I will see out this ten date challenge, that I will keep slogging away with OKC, and that even if it does happen that I meet someone who I 'specially like I will keep going out with new people. How did I put this to Catherine the other day? It is good to move very slowly into investing in people. Yeah.
So! Date #2.
I met Rebel at a restaurant that even the people who make fun of me for liking admit has the BEST MILKSHAKES EVER. He was cute, and not chubby like I had expected him to be because his profile photos are sort of... nonspecific. One of the first things he revealed was that he is from Orange County. I tried not to let this color my impression of him (the OC is notoriously wealthy and conservative, and people from there have a er, reputation) but as the evening went on he did seem like kind of a dilettante. He has a job in graphic design that he claimed his company practically begged him to take. I asked him what kind of design he does. "You know when you're on a website and you see those double-underlined words, and when you hover over them an ad pops up?" "Yes," I replied. He smiled. "That's me." Hmmm, cool. Well, we all gotta eat, right? And own a car. (No small feat in San Francisco.) And go to art school just for kicks. And buy "several hundred dollars" worth of paintbrushes and then never use them because oil paint has toxins. I sure don't think it's BAD to have money, but I also think it's good to be aware of one's privilege, and put genuine thought into how you spend your money and stuff. But whatevs.
So Rebel is in his mid-thirties, and he kept saying things that made him sound 17. Things like:
--"I have a real problem with authority figures."
--(in response to an offer by a parent to share a home) "I could never live with my parents again. I just can't stand anyone telling me what to do."
--"I don't do well with having a boss."
--"I just don't care about grades." (yes, he really said that)
--"And then I was like, why do I believe in this stuff?" (Catholicism)
(Oh, and when I told him about the very religious town I grew up in, he asked me "so are you an atheist now?" in a tone that hinted he was just waiting for me to say "yes" so he could talk about his own lack of faith, and when I said "no, I don't subscribe to any particular religion, but I haven't written them off," he fell into dead silence. Heh.)
Anyway, we did have some things in common, and like I said, he was cute, so I was thinking maybe I should give him one more chance just in case he made an iffy first impression, but my panel of IRL judges nixed it. As they said, if you're not totally into someone from date 1, it's not likely you'll feel any differently on date 2. So, guess it's curtains for the Rebel.
Tonight: Date #3!! Stay tuned!!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Take for example the date of yesterday. Let's call him Cookies. Now Cookies very spontaneously asked me over the chat if I would go out dancing with him, that very same night, i.e. about
Plus: fucking hot! Seriously. One of the hottest guys I've ever seen. Ever. Dude has tattoos and piercings everywhere. Omnomnom!
Works as a body builder and model - tall, gorgeous body.
I have never met anyone ever that has as much in common as me pop-reference-wise; books, music, movies, you name it! Several times we made the same reference (me:"look at that guys pants!" him: " Yeah like Olivia Newton John in Grease. They probably had to sew him in too". Which was what I was going to say!
Is awesome at compliments!
Brings out the fun giggly girl inside of me whilst still allowing for the rather sharp-tongued one.
Excellent kisser (ahem), good chemistry!
Send super sweet messages
At times would just stop talking and look at me in an enamored way and when prompted why he fell silent would answer "nothing. I'm just surprised at how much we have in common. This is a bit uncanny" Sweet!
Doesn't drink, doesn't use drugs. Smokes every once in a while but is willing (i.e. spontaneously said) to not do so as long as I'm around.
Is really not a boring person! Big plus compared to the earlier ones I've been out with lately!
Minus: bad, bad history. As in: been in jail and used to sell drugs for a living. This disturbs me a lot.
Has a dog (I have a cat. Not good match)
He just got out of a rather serious relationsship. I don't want to be Rebound Girl! We'll see how it all pans out. Oh, and the ex is a stripper.
He's a body builder, meaning he eats no carbs. Oh life without carbs! I could not do that. And I coulnd't cook for dude either as I'm rather bad at not eating carbs.
I think I'll just wait and see if he gets in contact again. If he does, and wants to go out, I'll probably agree to it! Since, omg he is super hot! And actually the first in this date-a-long that I've wanted to see for a second date.
And it was! He was just recently laid off, so he's here for a month visiting his mom. But there are some opportunities here that he's looking into and is now considering making the move. He paid for drinks, and then introduced me to the owner of a shop across the street that very well may lead to a great (SEWING!) opportunity for me.
I hope we'll meet up again, not because I like him, but it's just nice to have a friend with a little bit of history.
Well, I'll tell ya what's wrong with it: I'm pretty sure Falafel likes me as more than a friend.
So last night, we met up in my town (he was visiting some friends that live here) and went barhopping on Siesta Key. His friends were always around, but the two of us hung out most of the night. When I announced my departure, I saw a glimmer of disappointment, but he didn't offer to walk me to my car, so that was the end.
We made each other a bunch of mixtapes/full albums and exchanged them last night. He titled the two disc mixtape set "Melancholy and the Infinite Gladness." One disc is melancholy and the other is very happy. He made an awesome case with his face doing comedy & tragedy (which is hilarious). The track lists and liner notes are four pages long. I kinda wish I liked this guy.
Today I got a facebook message from him that ended with "You are an amazing person and I enjoy being around you." And I agree, to an extent, so I said "ditto." Probably shouldn't have said it. But this is the third time we've hung out and all we've done is hug, so he's gotta kinda know I'm not feeling it right?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
(Hint: this would be a GREAT way to milk some goodness out of a date that's gone sour.)
Friday, January 29, 2010
He messaged me through OKC and we had like 3 weeks of email correspondence before he could even agree to meet with me during which time he developing an even deeper "crush" on me despite me saying "um, let's meet and SEE IF WE HAVE ANY CHEMISTRY"
Dude looks old and gray (skin and hair) and smells because he's got a cold sweat going just talking to me. One of the first things he asks me is "how tall are you?" because in heels, I'm a fraction taller.
The date was boring so I don't need to bore you as well. We talked about math, his computer graphics, his family (he's married and looking for a woman with his wife's permission), and well, him. Why do guys do that?
Best part of the date was that it was over within 1.5 hours and only cost me $4.
But a pat on the back for eloquent because when he emailed me the next day, I was able to firmly say "I'm not the girl for you".
Overall Score: D (the chai was good)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
So we are having the why-I-love-SF conversation and he reveals that he is divorced. I was startled for like three seconds, and then I was not, and that is when it occurred to me that I am now in the stage of life where it is no longer weird to be divorced. A couple years ago I would have been like "whoooaaa, that is major;" now, I have quite a few friends who are divorced, we're all thirty-ish, people make mistakes. You know? I did think it was cool he put it right out there, and in a matter of fact way, not like he was revealing some big secret.
Anyway, blah blah, we had fun, and we are making plans to meet up again soon.
1) Gym Guy finally sent me a message; unfortunately, he is useless.
2) A new fella has been added into the mix: "R2." R2 is a book-loving nerd, but seems nice. Slightly balding. We are going to get a drink on Monday.
3) Date #2 is tomorrow night: coffee with R. The original R. The Pink Floyd fan. Uses emoticons like this =D I am just not a fan, people. I will always like dot eyes better than lines. And who goes around smiling like this: =D ? I tend to stay *away* from those people. I smile like this: :) . Not big and showy. However, I am giving him a chance because I know how emotional resonance can get lost in typing.
4) Yesterday I made Work Guy laugh so hard he spit.
Good night, people.
*I have a new self-imposed rule that I only drink ONE drink on a date, as I am a total lightweight and really, even just one will often get me a little loopy.
ETA: Oh, I forgot to say, I named Date #1 "Montage" because he spoke of wanting to make one, in film.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
1. If your date wants to take you to his favorite movie of all time, and his favorite movie of all time is a superhero movie, and you don't like superhero movies, suggest an alternative date. Or, come up with something positive to say about the movie so you don't stand there like an idiot trying to say something better than, "It was really long."
2. Don't go on a first date with a guy you met in the comments section of a blog focused on celebrity gossip, relationship advice, and fashion.
3. 5"8 on an online profile doesn't always mean 5"8. Sometimes it means 5"6, or 5"4.
4. If you end up sleeping over at your date's house, in his bed, without even kissing, something weird is going on. Either find out what it is, or end it.
5. Your first date's annoying voice and awful smelling cologne will only be even more abrasive and stinky on the second date. So if you are put off by the sound of his voice or his scent, don't go on a second date.
6. If your date tells you he's a virgin and likes anal play, don't make out with him.
7. If you do use your blackberry on the first date, be sure and tell your date that you're giving your huge, beefy, tough coworker your date's license plate number just in case you go missing. Then smile sweetly.
8. From my roommate: If during your first date your date shows you scantily clad photos of his sisters and talks about how great you'd look pregnant you need to change your phone number right away because he's going to call you 100 times the next day.
9. Don't ever, under any circumstance, give your date career advice. This will instantly move you from the "potential lover" category to the "free life coach" category.
10. If you're on a date at a Chinese restaurant and you can tell that your date is much more interested in you than you are in him and your fortune cookie says "happiness is right in front of you" assume that it is referring to the river in the photograph on the wall and do your best to keep your date from asking you what it says.
11. Remember all the best details so you can blog about it later.
Well if you're looking for depraved little hovels in brooklyn I just found an intersting place across from the film studio I work at. It's on the Navy Yard so it's where dock workers used to drown their sorrows but now it's just broken down and ocasionally you can find hassidic men getting lapdances from scantily clad back women. It's not a strip club but there's something up. Anyway I work till like 11 every weeknight and it's right across the street if your down. I'm not all that great at transcribing small talk so i guess i'll keep this short. Brevity's the best platform for sincerity, right?... You look interesting and you're a good kisser. I wanna meet you.
1) Bring cash. Not only should you pay for yourself, but you never know when a cab dash will become necessary!
2) When choosing your outfit, watch the cleavage and the hemline. Anything with an eye-pleasing curve should be modestly covered. Don't sulk!! You wouldn't run right out and throw a hail mary on your first down blah blah football metaphor, now would you? Save that shit for later.
3) Do not wear your silver H&M necklace that says "Love," even if it is super cute. I will say here because I think it is relevant that I think it would be HILARIOUS to wear one of those t-shirts that says "I fuck on the first date" on a first date. I will give twenty dollars to anyone who actually does this.
4) Make sure you know what your date looks like before you go to meet them. This may be difficult if he only has two pictures on his profile, and in one of them he is mostly blocked by a combination of guitar and hat.
5) This one is courtesy of our gal Pinkie who gives the BEST dating advice on the planet: expect three things, and ONLY three things, when you go on a date---to get out of the house; a compliment; and something free, however small.
6) Wear ugly underwear. I am not a person who subscribes to the slogan of the aforementioned t-shirt, but when faced with a severe cutie, we all need a little extra convincing.
Already some of you more clever foxes are thinking "Yeah right, I can rip that shit off in the dark." Touche. You wisenheimers should plan to begin a course of yeast infection treatment.
7) If a you're on a date with a guy and he wants to make out with you and you fall down, he will still want to make out with you. Ask me how I know.
8) If your blind date turns out to be crap and you are at Borders and all you want is to go home and crawl under your bed, ask the barista to page you over the intercom and then inform you that your mother was bitten by a dog and she's okay but she needs you to drive out to the Chicago suburbs right away. The barista will enjoy doing this, especially if you then give her a ride home after work. Ask me how I know.
9) If you are on a first date that you hadn't really realized was a "date" and you go to see a play that ends up featuring ENORMOUS (like, bigger than a person) glow-in-the-dark puppets of genitalia and they perform a simulated sex act and then two nuns eat each other out and the lights come up and your date is clearly embarrassed and then chooses that moment to reveal that this was in fact a date, well, ha ha ha. (AMHIK)
10) If you just gotta be done with it, remember that the sentence "Well, it was nice to meet you!," paired with a handshake and cheerful smile, will dispel a creep and he will think it was his idea. AMHIK.
11) Most of all, just be yourself.
Since the first date, I made it very very very clear that I need some space regarding sex. He said ok but he's less than thrilled about it.
We met for dinner and movie (Young Victoria) last night. I'm not sexually attracted to him at all and by the end of the evening even found myself getting bored (never a good sign with me).
I had tried at one point to engage him in a theoretical discussion related to "The Museum at Purgatory" by Nick Bantock. The question boils down to: if there was a museum exhibit that featured both the conscious and unconscious elements of what makes up YOU, what do you think it would contain? (I love this question). He responded with: "I don't believe in Purgatory" and went on to lecture me about the Catholic/Christian origins of the concept of purgatory.
Overall, he grabbed my crotch twice in the movie, repeatedly whispered in my ear about how he wanted to lick me, asked me three times how badly I wanted him, and at the very end of the evening asked me to send him a naughty picture when I got home. Sheesh, give it a rest already!
There will be no more dates with this guy, period.
Overall score: D. I would have had more fun alone.
He asked me whether I would have time to meet him for dessert upon my return and I enthusiastically agreed. We had dinner at PF Chang's and then went to see Legion.
What was mega-awesome was that we snuggled throughout the whole movie (my favorite!!) and he didn't flinch at all when I'd grab onto him during an intense or scary scene. He likes to hug and touch me which I really like. I feel "safe" around him. Unfortunately, he left the following morning for a 4 day trip to Sacramento but did invite me over Thursday night to meet his sons.
Overall score: A
He invited me over for a casual evening. We had a great few hours of talking, snuggling, and getting to know each other (he read aloud to me, something I love). There is a strong sexual attraction too made even more potent by the fact that he's so mild mannered in person but confessed that he's got Dom tendencies. Call me kinky: instant attraction.
I didn't really want to go home (nor did he want me to leave) but I needed to get ready to go out of town for the weekend.
I'm pretty certain that Peter's a keeper.
Overall score: A-
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Morning of the date with Robert, we started texting at 5:46 am up until I heaved myself out of bed at 7. We kept texting all day (yes, I totally text at work... blog too) and the convo got... sexual. Mind you, I hadn't even met this guy yet but I've seen pictures of his penis. (See above disclaimer about boundaries). So needless to say, my engine was running a little before I met him. The man knows how to flirt via text.
What I already liked about this guy heading into the date was that he's well read and able to communicate and the confidence with which he both asked me out and suggested a place to go (that was convenient for me!)
He's attractive, shaved head, one little tattoo on his wrist, tall (6'4!) and a little more heavy set than I thought he'd be but thankfully he didn't do that shy, kicking the ground with his toe thing that most geeky/nerdy boys do around me.
We walk over to the sushi place he suggested and got a spot at the bar. Now, I really like sushi but I generally never know what I'm eating so I asked him to "surprise me". We ate all kinds of stuff (was all you can eat) and when I mentioned that I didn't like salmon, he ate it himself (in a cute way) to get it out of my way.
We intended to go for a walk after dinner but it was too cold and windy so we ended up going for a drive and talking. He made it ABUNDANTLY clear that I turned him on and that he'd be MORE than willing to perform oral sex. Really, on a first date?
I liked him enough not to be totally turned off by that (see above disclaimer) and we did end up parking on a dark street (we both live with our parents) long enough for some carnal activities to ensue (but no PIV).
I am a little freaked out by how fast I went but he's been pursuing me relentlessly since then. I did make it clear (over text) that I needed way more time on the sexual front which he is accepting (if barely). He still wants to give me head.
Overall date: B+ (being a little generous but I did have an orgasm)
What is appropriate, and what is safe, when you're dating someone new? What is inappropriate or unsafe?
Example 1: On OKC, after a date has been agreed upon, I have had a couple of guys offer me their phone number and then ask "what's yours?" (And a couple have just given me theirs without asking for mine.) Maybe this is common practice in online dating? But I just don't feel comfortable giving my phone number to someone I've exchanged a couple messages with online. What do you think?
The other day I broke things off with Flavor of the Moment. I did it via Facebook chat. Yes, ha ha, let's all have a good laugh at that. But that and text has always been our primary means of communication. So fb chat, as usual, was funky and slow and it was hard to tell how well my message ("I would like a relationship, you wouldn't, so let's call the whole thing off") got across. But I know he got at least that much. He then signed off completely and texted me saying he was going out, but maybe we could talk in person later in the week? Having a face-to-face convo was what I wanted to do in the first place, actually, and I resorted to chat because I didn't know when I'd see him and things were just dragging out, so I said sure.
The next day (yesterday) he texted and said he could come over to my place for tea that evening, if I was free. I said okay but suggested a later time. Later, but still a couple hours before we were supposed to meet (and not coincidentally, as I was leaving my therapist's office), a thought occurred to me: why was this man who I just broke things off with coming to my house? Maybe I should alert a friend that this was going on so they could expect to hear from me. But something else kept nagging at me: the fact that every time he had ever walked me home (I guess four times?) he came in to use the bathroom, and I think he only asked permission that first time. The other times, he walked me to my door and then said "I'm going to come in and use your bathroom" and walked in with me.
Which could, in all fairness, be indicative of nothing but a tiny bladder. But still, it kept nagging at me---this is a guy who had gotten into my home three times now without waiting for my invitation, and now he was coming over to be in my home, alone, where I would tell him we would no longer be fooling around. Which, as memory serves, I had already TOLD him. What exactly were we going to be talking about again? And why was this a conversation we needed to have at my house?
I will reveal myself here as a Gift of Fear devotee---this is the kind of situation de Becker points out over and over in his book, and says "you knew you felt uncomfortable, but you walked into this situation anyway. Why?" He stresses *trusting* those little twinges of thought and instinct instead of dismissing them as paranoia.
So, I thought, why don't I ask him to meet me at a coffee shop instead.
Except that he would probably STILL walk me home, and probably once again gain entry to my apartment to use the bathroom.
Stop it, says brain. You and this guy have fooled around in your apartment before, and you said no to "going all the way" (do the kids still say that?), and he accepted it. If he had wanted to pressure or try to force you into sex, he could have done so, easily.
But just because he didn't try it before doesn't mean he won't try it this time.
Feeling on the spot, I did a dumb thing and made up a lie. I texted him with a story about a plumbing emergency (see? because then even if he DID walk me home, he couldn't use the bathroom, eh? eh?) and named a cafe we could meet at.
His response was that now he felt like a beer.
So, the situation had now gone from "we are done fooling around" to "we are done fooling around but he is going to come over to my house" to "we are done fooling around but he wants to take me out and get me drunk."
During this mental process stuff I had called a friend (a GOOD friend) who very bluntly pointed out that I was AGAIN making plans to go out with this person who had made me feel disrespected and objectified, and that I now felt the need to make up a lie because I did not trust him not to attempt to pressure or force me into sex. Oh, well, when you put it that way.
I canceled; I called and left him a voice mail saying I would not be going out that night, but if he wanted to talk more he should call me, but that really there were no hard feelings, we just wanted different things, and that was fine and I'd see him on the way to work Thursday. His response? He was disappointed, because he really wanted to see me that night. Call me crazy but I kind of doubt his disappointment sprung from the fact that we were not going to have a thorough debriefing on why we did not work romantically and how we were totally just gonna be friends now and not mess around anymore. Sounds more like he thought he was gonna get some.
And it really freaks me out how close I was to walking right into that situation. I LIKED the guy---which of course means I had a decent amount of trust in him, and that made it that much harder to allow myself to listen to my "paranoid" instincts. Yikes.
I'm not saying I think the guy's a rapist. But I do know that little bells were going off in my head that this person was pushing for more than the situation (post-facebook-chat-break-off-debriefing?) really warranted. And maybe he did not plan to use FORCE per se but I could certainly see him making a move, perhaps one motivated by the knowledge that this was probably his "last chance" (ahem, it was NOT a chance), and might not take no so easily this time.
Thoughts on that whole thing, I'd love to hear 'em.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Since I moved back to NYC this fall, I've been taking steps to meet new people and put myself out there more. I've been adamantly single for a couple of years now, which I think has done me a lot of good. I'm a bit more laid back and optimistic about relationships now. I have a pretty good idea of what I want and don't want. And most importantly, I'm kind of ready to jump back into the pool. Last week, I joined up on OKC and have been having a lot of fun ogling people's profiles and secretly adding to my favorites list. I will soon send messages to a bunch of them and start getting out there.
I do have one question I want to throw out there for discussion: what do you do when you get a message from somebody who seems nice, but you have a gut feeling that they're not your type? Judging from the OKC blog, it seems like a lot of people just don't respond to messages from people they're not into. My gut tells me this is kind of rude, but on the other hand, perhaps there is a whole other etiquette calculus to online dating: don't respond unless the person has a chance with you. What do you do?
ETA: I'm from G*, but this is not my G name. PM me if you really want to know!
Then we went to my place. We fooled around on the computer for a while and then fooled around not on the computer. Have I mentioned how incredibly hot he is? He's incredibly hot.
After, uh, that, we decided we want to continue this, but we decided we're going to tell each other if we sleep with other people. We've both been adamant through this whole thing that neither of us wants a Super Serious Relationship.
But I'm new to the whole "open relationship" thing. I might be going on a date with someone new this Friday. Am I supposed to tell BE about the date? Or only say something if I sleep with him? Or am I supposed to say something if I want to sleep with him?
Then the plan was to meet back up at his apartment to watch football. I had to separate from my buddies on the trail in order to get back in time, and as I was riding on the paved path past the ranger station, I heard the pop and violent hiss of my rear tire shredding to pieces. Falafel offered to pick me up, drop me off to shower at his apartment, and then go get - wait for it - falafel sandwiches for football grubbin. We watched my team win the AFC championships (yay, go Colts!) and then part of the NFC game before I made my awkward transition to leave.
It was kind of boring: as much as we both love football, it was just a bit weird watching my favorite team with someone who isn't as fanatic as I am. I just felt awkward, and my insecurities were manifesting into anxiety issues, and well. It was just awkward. I feel awkward about it, which in turn, makes me feel awkward about him. I don't see a romantic relationship there. And, though I thought I might be attracted to him, I'm not really.
He's coming down to my town next weekend to hang out with one of his buddies, and then to ride bikes with me. I'm hoping this just turns into a friend thing naturally, without me having to say it. Because I'm a big, insecure, self-conscious baby who shouldn't be dating at all because I can't handle it. That's all.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
1)** "R." Graphic designer, 34, likes comics. Has glasses. Appears to be enamored of Pink Floyd. Has already sent me more than one youtube clip of "The Wall." Can this marriage be saved?
2) "E." Dullsville. I can't even remember anything about him. But he mentioned wanting to try a bar of which I am quite fond, so, why not. Seems nice. And the bar is only like three blocks from my house. Is holding a guitar in one of his pictures.
3) "S." 29, law student at popular local university. Enjoys talking about R. Kelly with me. Tipped me off to Michael Jordan's twitter feed, for which he deserves at least a high five if not downright props. Has already informed me that he will be drinking tea, not coffee, on our coffee date. Is it true that a rebel will only break your heart??
4) Gym Guy. Okay, so OKCupid has this feature where you can see who looks at your profile, and there is this one fella who has looked at mine, like, twenty times. Seems cute, but no contact has been made. So the other day I'm at the gym and I see this guy I always think looks familiar, but I can't place him, and he always seems to be kind of looking at me too, and then it hits me: THAT could be HIM. I mean, between the profile photos and the physical person of Gym Guy, we are dealing with two rather nondescript tall bearded men here, but there is definitely a resemblance. And maybe he is trying to figure out if the girl in the profile is also Gym Girl. (Though that should not take more than a couple of seconds, as I have visible tattoos.) So this raises a whole new question about this online shizz. What is the proper comportment when one thinks one recognizes someone from an internet dating site? If one has viewed their profile and thinks one (the other one) seems nice? Should I write him and say hi, and not mention the gym, nor the fact that I am the girl on the elliptical trainer with the unbrushed ponytail who always ends up soaked sternum to bellybutton in her own sweat? I don't see who could be not drawn in by the allure of that.
Also, I recognized one of my coworkers in a thumbnail on OKC and like a dumbass, I clicked on his profile. I was halfway through it when I realized he was being informed, possibly at that moment, that I was checking him out. (Note that I am decidedly NOT interested in this person.) Sure enough, a few days later, he showed up on my list of visitors. Awkwarrrd.
5) Party Boy. Friend of a friend who I met at a party last week. We were ships passing in the night, me being about to sail my ship back home just as he was arriving, but our brief funny chat must have impressed him because he sent me a facebook message the next day. He's read my comics! Anyway, we have chatted a bit since then, and I have sorta thought about asking him to hang out...... Interesting factoid, he has the exact same rather unusual name as "S."
6) FOTM aka Dog Drama. See previous week's post. I was just cut off about halfway through breaking things off with him because, no kidding, facebook chat gave out. So he texted me and asked if we could talk more later in the week. I texted back and said that was fine. What? Have a phone conversation? Get outta town!!
7) Work Guy Number 2. This guy actually is very funny and sweet and seems into me, in that he is always blushing and making googly eyes at me and then looking away quickly and giggling. This has been going on for months. (We don't work together all the time, so, it's been on and off for months.) He makes me laugh a lot. However, not only do we work together, I am sometimes kind of his supervisor. Ah. Yeah, maybe not.
Wish me luck, datealong gang!!
**Note: I feel it is an intrinsic mistake to assign a nickname to a boy before you have seen him in person. What if Karate Guy and you are out to dinner and it turns out he doesn't know how to use a fork? His name will have to be Fork Guy. You just can't know this shit about a person.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
We met at a local coffee shop at 6:30 pm (I came straight from work) and went for dinner (sushi) at 8:15 pm. I called it an evening just before 10 pm.
We talked about politics, travel, the World of Warcraft, and some basic details of his past relationships. Well, he did most of the talking. I managed to talk a little about my family, WOW, and my travel experiences in Europe. I really wish that he'd folllowed through on some of my thoughts with meaningful questions to show that he was interested/curious. Instead, I get the impression that he was waiting for me to finish my sentence so he could talk.
I left our encounter feeling a little bored and warm towards him but not warm and fuzzy. I do think that we could be good friends once we resolve whether we'll be friends or more so I'm gicing this a chance to breathe and grow.
Overall date grade: B
Saturday, January 16, 2010
This started a lively discussion between my friend and I on what "dog drama" could possibly mean. (Note: FOTM does not have a dog.) Could he have found a dog outside that was having drama? Could "Dog Drama" be the slick new AMC series from the creators of our favorite, Mad Men? Was the SPCA involved? Did he mean "bitch?" Was dog drama easily resolvable? Or was it likely to drag on for days? Around 12:30 I got a long, apologetic voice mail explaining that he was asked to take care of a dying dog and would call me the next day.
Today, my friend Kiwi Sam and I discussed and we sussed out the meaning of FOTM's unusual taxonomy:
does your dog have drama, sam? ;)
dog drama = balls deep in ex's ass
last time i checked
yes, i believe so
i might have to have some dog drama when i get back
hell yeah, i want some damn dog drama
i mean, the inverse of it
Had a couple of OKC responses, still trying to hammer out actual dates. Arf, arf, arooooo.
Anyway, I contacted a few quiver matches and quickmatches, and a few responded back. I really liked everything about a certain guy's profile, but again, he was in Tampa. But he has a FALAFEL SANDWICH TATTOO! I couldn't NOT contact him. And this all happened two nights ago. He responded yesterday afternoon. I said sorry 'bout the short notice, but let's do this tonight. And he was down. I have been meaning to go to Tampa anyway, because my town doesn't have an IMAX theater and, if I was going to see Avatar at all, I was gonna go all out. He was also down with that.
So yesterday afternoon, I drove up to Tampa and met him at Cigar City Brewing because we both have an affinity for craft beer. Normally, the tasting room is only open til 5, but we got lucky because it was opened til 11 for a special tapping last night. My first impression was a good one; he is very good looking, tattooed all over, has a beard, and a gray patch! We had lots to talk about, since ya know, we hadn't actually communicated much at all besides reading each other's profiles. We nearly lost track of time, had to haul-ass to the theater, sat through almost 3 hours of action movie, and then came out of the theater very hungry. So we went looking for falafel, everywhere was closed, and ended up getting some sushi (which was difficult for me, as it was the first time I've done sushi as a vegetarian). We ended the evening with a hug and a discussion about the distance and our busy lives. I'll likely end up in Tampa for whatever kind of schooling I decide on, so we're just going to keep in touch and maybe see each other again.
Not a total fail, but not a win (yet) either!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I'm in the early chatting phase with a couple of fellows and still optimistic but I'm starting to notice a troubling pattern of messages received:
Hopefully 2010 will be the year of less meh (also less creeps) and one day we'll all look back and laugh and wonder what we were so worried about.
The guy was less attractive than his OKC photos suggested and it was apparent with the awkward pauses in the conversation that it just wasn't happening.
Also, I broke The One Cardinal Sin of Dating. Yes, ladies and gents, I checked my blackberry. Obsessively. I then apologized profusely and tried to explain the work-related emergency I was dealing with. What's an "emergency" in my line of work is not actually an emergency to well, anyone else in the world, so that made it difficult.
It was barely a half hour after meeting that my date said he had to leave and jetted out of the bar. I don't blame him really.
But all is not lost because Brown Eyes (or as my roommate calls him "your new hot guy") wants to see me on Sunday. Hopefully there will be lots more yummy kissing.