Friday, February 5, 2010

Insecurity and dating.

The insecurity bomb went off in my head today.

My date with F. is cancelled, likely permanently. His reason is that he has some drama in his primary relationship caused specifically by polyamory and doesn't know when/if it may be resolved. He expressed disappointment and frustration because there were "sparks" between us and this is now a lost connection.

Of course I think it's me - that I've said something wrong and of course I can't ask (how pathetic is that?)

So what can I do to turn this around?

1. I can believe that he cancelled the date for the reasons he gave.

2. I can continue to believe that he found me attractive and interesting.

3. I can be proud of myself for being truthful in all our correspondence about myself.

Rejection is inevitable. I just hope that I can learn to take it in stride.


  1. Oof, Eloquent, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. FWIW, it sounds like it really ISN'T you - sounds like polyamory is a pretty difficult balancing act, wherein the primary relationship gets first dibs on the primaries' emotional energy.

    One unexpected outcome of being on OKC so far has been that there are so many interactions and responses, that I don't stress out about any one outcome. So, sometimes people ignore me, sometims I ignore them. Sometimes I respond to a message I thought was nice, and get no response. But it's easier to forget about it when there's somebody else who wants to talk to you. Which seems to be the goal of this whole mega-dating experiment, no? So, I would say, go send some more messages and go on more dates and see what else is out there. I bet you'll get distracted by all the dudes who DO want to go out with you!

  2. I'm so sorry. I think 3. If you can.
    For me I found that if I do this, I really make my self justice, what more can I do?

    For what it's worth, I am totally wooting for you! Vibes and hugs coming your way. xx emeralde