Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Well anyway. The new girl is still away on vacation, but I couldn't wait and sent her a "how's it going, wanna hang out saturday?" email on Monday. She wrote back to say she would be away this weekend as well, but suggested something early next week. So, as usual I am nervous. But we'll see what happens and I will refrain from checking out her OKC profile and thinking about how awesome she is. For the next five days, she does not exist.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Date with Farce was... ok. Not the best ever, not the worst ever. I'd be up to seeing him again. As we parted ways we just said "ok then, see you 8th of March (since he's going to a party I'm arranging to celebrate that the International Womes Day celebrates 100 year anniversary!)
And Waterplant Dude and I are probably meeting up sometime this week. We'll see...
And there is maybe another player in the field who I will call Young One. He has some promise for sure; can actually write coherently (big bonus) cute from the pictures I've seen and has a dirty mind (gotta love that) We'll see if it actually ends up in a date some time. As for now, exchanging dirty e-mails is fun! :)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Then yesterday, a girl I had been messaging with a little bit (and who I thought seemed really rad) invited me to go to a show at my favorite venue in the city. So we ended up hanging out last night and it was...awesome. We have a ton of things in common, from specific interests to general outlook on life. She is really hot in a totally nerdy kind of way and seems grounded and compassionate and spontaneous and quirky. She is pretty much the exact kind of person I want to date, and she said she wants to hang out again. She's going out of town for a week (which is why the last-minute plans last night) but we have plans to take a walk next week.
So, what should I do? Would it be disingenuous to go out with the ESL instructor on Sunday if I know I'm kind of smitten with the new girl? If there were no new girl, I think I'd be really excited about Sunday, but now I'm worried that I'll make things awkward. But if I do go on Sunday (which I feel like is the only polite thing to do) and I feel weird about it, what do I say? Ohhhh, I hate hurting people's feelings.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Given that I just accepted a great job offer in Seattle and will be moving in a month, I switched my OKC profile to list my hometown as Seattle. "Bring on the dates!" I thought gleefully and...
Nada. Not a single message, wink, IM, nothing.
Being one not content to let the world bypass her, I boldly messaged a few people that looked interesting.
Is everyone so coupled up in Seattle that some fresh blood is unnecessary? C'mon people, date me!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Date #2 with Movie-boy. To refresh your memory: I contacted him first, we geeked out on the first date at an ale house, but I did not see any definite sparks. He called the very next day to suggest a movie later in the week, and heeding the internet's advice, I decided to give it another whirl. So. I'm not going to generalize this particular experience into a definitive answer to the "can spark grow when there's no spark at first," but in this case, the answer is a definite no.
The date itself was pretty good. We went to the a la carte section of Whole Foods for a bite, because it's kind of a pain to find vegan restaurants and because it's cheap if you're already going out. We sat upstairs and chatted, then wandered over to the Rubin Museum, which has a great Friday night movie thing where you buy a drink and get to take it into the movie theater which has chairs and tables with little tea lights instead of movie theater seating. The movie was totally weird and kind of hilarious, and I enjoyed the atmosphere, which was equally divided between old couples who are still totally doing date night and young people clearly on first dates.
So, Movie-boy kept kind of shifting in his seat every time I would move and I could tell right then that something was up. I should have known - but was nevertheless surprised - when he pulled the yaaaawn-and-now-my-arm-is-around-your-shoulders magic trick! I am not kidding. This move, which I thought could only be observed in action in the fictional world of Happy Days, is apparently alive and flourishing. To his credit, I think it was a risky move. But, um, having neither attempted nor received any flirtatious gestures whatsoever up to this point, it was just a bit much. The conversation all night had felt a bit mechanical. A lot of stuff about work, occasionally a polite question about family members or friends, but there was never a point where I felt we were really connecting. Anyway, after breaking the physical contact barrier, he did a lot of shoulder and arm stroking for the rest of the movie, which was not off-putting, but again definitely not inspiring, either.
If I were smart, I would have said thank you for a lovely evening right after the movie. But alas, I did not think quickly and ended up agreeing to go "look for food." Wandering downtown of a Friday night looking for a bar with all the NYU undergrads running wild all over the place was a terrible idea. We eventually took the train to a reliable bar in Brooklyn, had a drink, Movie-boy started yawning, and we decided to call it a night. A valiant effort by all parties. But unfortunately, I got an email the following day saying "we should hang out again when I'm not so tired and you're not getting over a cold!" I really doubt it was the cold, though. I'm going to have to be direct and let him know I'm not interested. Not looking forward.
Date #3 (first date) with the ESL instructor. This was a girl on OKC whom I emailed randomly because I thought she looked intriguing in her photos and her profile seemed to hint at things but gave few details. I kind of wanted to find out what she was all about, but didn't expect to actually hear back from her. On the contrary, she responded quickly and asked questions back, and we were soon emailing back and forth once a day or so. We decided to meet up this weekend, and the only day we were both free happened to be Sunday. The fact that it was V-day went (thankfully) unacknowledged, and we decided to have afternoon tea at Tea&Sympathy, this British tea house in Greenwich Village that we'd both heard a lot about. Conversation was good - she was a really good listener and as the date went on, began to tell really good stories. After several hours at the tea house, we decided to take a walk in the neighborhood. First to look at the dogs in Union Square (none, sadly), and then to go walk on the High Line. She's been in the city for many years and knew a ton about all the buildings and the piers and the high line itself, and just seemed like a great person to explore with. We ended up at the Cubby Hole, a tiny lesbian bar in the village, where we had a drink, but since it was really crowded and loud, decided to move the party to Brooklyn (a trend?), and ended up at Ginger's, another lesbian bar, this one in Park Slope. The conversation flowed really well, we went from city life to our childhoods to coming out stories to bizarre work stories. Every once in a while, it would get quiet, and we'd be like, "I'm so glad we did this!" Basically, it was a totally cute first date. Finally, something like six hours later, we decided to call it a night and said goodbye at the subway station. Traded texts when we got home. I think we'll be hanging out again.
Date #4 (another first date) with the native Brooklynite. This was tonight, a rescheduling of last Friday's attempt to meet at an installation at PS1 called The Meeting. So, instead of going to the installation (which they open an hour before sunset and is just a room with a hole in the ceiling and orange light that makes the exposed section of the sky look super-super blue), we ended up just meeting for a tea date at a tea house sort of half-way between our houses. I had walked from a yoga class and she was already there when I got there. We ended up chatting on the couch for about an hour before the place closed down and for another, like, 15-20 minutes outside while she had a cigarette and then just standing in the snow. She's super-cute in a punk girl kind of way, but I couldn't tell if she was shy or kind of thought I was not her type or something like that. We talked about all kinds of stuff, she seems like an adventurer in the world, which is really attractive, but I couldn't exactly get a read on whether she was comfortable, much less romantically inclined. No future dates were discussed, though we did talk about music venues in the city and out-of-the-way places to go. I'll probably email her after all the houseguests leave and try to set up an adventure. I'm really curious what she thought.
Whew, okay, that was the longest post ever. Thanks for reading this far. There's something about spilling your guts to the internet like this that makes me feel a little self-conscious. I know the whole "does blogging=exhibitionism?" question is so 2003, but I've never blogged about personal stuff before. So, double sorry for the navel gazing. But there are some more dates in the works, so I'm going to suck it up and power through. And then we'll vote! (Just kidding.) Later, dudes!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Well, it's been two weeks since then, and in that time, I have listened to music he's given me, chatted with him online, and had TWO dreams about making out with him.
He is in town this weekend and. We made out. Just kissed.
This is weird.
Oh and of course you're just dying to know what's going on with Cookies. Right? Right! So we've been in contact every now and then, and met up a couple of times more. He's super sweet actually, kind of hyper, I never get bored in his company, that's for sure! He's brought up the whole "so, are we a couple now?" question and I just avoided it... It is just all so sudden and intense so I think there's no need in rushing things, you know? And I kind of don't know how trustworthy he is. To be fair, he's always showed up when he said he would, driven me to school and the like in the mornings, taken me out to dinner (which I never go to normally) and all of those things. But he's just so different from all the people I know! Which doesn't need to be a bad thing. Ah I digress! The plan for Valentines is to build some things, and to watch a horror movie. So much fun! :)
And I haven't heard back from Waterplant Dude in ages. We exchanged texts and e-mails just after the date, but now haven't heard anything in more than a week. Hm.. I think I'll e-mail him to see how he's doing. He's fun, I liked him, though he was a bit boring in comparison. Though, when I really think about it, in the long run, that is probably a good thing.
So on the one end we have Farce and Waterplan Dude, who both are the kind of guy I normally go out with, and on the other side of the spectrum we have Cookies who is nothing of the kind. Only time will tell who wins in the long run! :)
I actually have a third date planned with Date #1. He is super, super nice and has not made the LEAST bit of a romantic overture toward me, which makes him feel nonthreatening. Heh. When he emails me, he asks about things that are going on in my life. He's very friendly and easy to talk to. He asked me out for Valentine's Day dinner, and I said sure but suggested a really casual place (local no-name Thai restaurant) so hopefully this will all just stay friendly. I like him, but geez, I've only met him in person two times. I just don't get wanting to make out or fool around with people you haven't known in person for quite a while---I mean, I GET it, and I think it can be awesome, but it's like my body doesn't get it. I just don't respond or develop a romantic interest in people until my warped little brain has determined them "safe," and that takes a really long time. Which is why I guess this online thing never works for me. Well. ...it's an experience, right?
Well, as to why I am single, mystery solved. *groan*
Monday, February 8, 2010
We met up around 7 at a cute little ale house in Brooklyn Heights and ended up geeking out for a couple of hours over film, grad school applications (his), dissertations (mine), academic publishing...all things I try not to trot out on the first date, cause people tend to find that stuff boring. We had the obligatory conversation about how we got to New York, what we think of our respective neighborhoods, and the daily commute. (That seems to be a more standard thing to talk about around here, though I think it's actually way more boring, cause you know, show, don't tell, right?) After 1.5 rounds (we split his second one), I was pretty starving, so we wandered over to a falafel place down the street where he insisted on buying me a falafel. There was talk of going to museums together (he wants to learn more about art) and movies as we stood on a streetcorner. There was an awkward hug, and then we skipped off to our respective subway stops.
So, this is where I admit that I have no idea what I think about this one. On the one hand, movie-character-boy seems super smart in a totally unpretentious way. He admits when he doesn't know a lot about something and shows an interest in my take on things. He's super-courteous, perhaps a little shy even, but not in a way that makes me feel like I have to drive the conversation. He's not exactly super-hot, but not unattractive: thin, glasses, short hair, closely-cropped beard and mustache, and kind of on the young-looking side. If I had to place a bet, I would predict a comb-over in middle age. But that can be cute in a professorial kind of way, right? Anyway, I can't tell if it was first-date shyness, manners, or a lack of chemistry, but there was no flirty joking, spontaneous touching, or anything like that. Now that I think about it, I'm realizing that I really wasn't as playful or silly as I usually am with my friends. I'm really into this kid's brains, but I wonder what he'd be like on the dance floor. I'm kind of looking for both. So, should I give it another go? Perhaps in a more spontaneous atmosphere? I wouldn't want to get stuck in the museum-movie zone with him, unless it were understood that we were just going to be friends/activity partners. But on the other hand, I worry about drawing people out this way and making them think I'm really into them when I'm just being playful and getting a sense of what they're like in different situations. Hmmm...this might take some planning.
*update* Movie-boy just called about going out again on Friday and the movie he suggested is...wait for it...The Man Who Fell to Earth! Okay, I will stop being a judgmental beyotch now. Woohoo!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Before the date we kind of had a constant contact going on which was nice, afterwards we haven't had much contact. Which probably has a lot to do with the fact that I said "uh... you don't have to constantly compliment me, you know that right?"
Oh well, now I kind of miss the attention :) And we haven't had the "so when shall we meet up next time" discussion, so maybe he doesn't want to have a next time. Which is ok I guess, but it has sure been interesting meeting someone who is just so, so different!
Friday, February 5, 2010
My date with F. is cancelled, likely permanently. His reason is that he has some drama in his primary relationship caused specifically by polyamory and doesn't know when/if it may be resolved. He expressed disappointment and frustration because there were "sparks" between us and this is now a lost connection.
Of course I think it's me - that I've said something wrong and of course I can't ask (how pathetic is that?)
So what can I do to turn this around?
1. I can believe that he cancelled the date for the reasons he gave.
2. I can continue to believe that he found me attractive and interesting.
3. I can be proud of myself for being truthful in all our correspondence about myself.
Rejection is inevitable. I just hope that I can learn to take it in stride.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I call him The Smiler because that was all he damn did. The WHOLE. TIME*. I seriously got maybe eight words out of this guy. I met him at a bar that I really like, a bar that is fully decked out in taxidermy and weird objects and lights and beads and shit. He commented on how cool it was, and I made a funny joke about Chili's. He laughed, and then when the laughter stopped, he looked at me and said... nothing. Okay, that's cool. I don't mind being the one to get the conversation going. I asked him about his work. He told me where it is located, and that he hates it. I asked him what it was he does at work. He told me really boring web design, and he hates it. Ok.... so what would you like to do instead? Well..... I'd like to work with food. Oh! how interesting! Are you a chef? Yeah, I went to culinary school, and I worked at a couple restaurants... And then nothing. A good conversation would start, and then just... stop. And he would just sit there and smile nervously. I had to prompt every single time for more info. ("What kind of restaurants?" "Did you like it?" "What kind of food do you like to make?")
I don't think I am an overbearing person, conversation-wise,** although I can be a bit of a chatterbox if you get me going. But there was just no give and take here. Over the hour-and-a-half date it went from awkward-cute to odd to unbearable. Finally I was so uncomfortable that I said I'd better get home, I had to work tomorrow.
It was 8:30.
Too bad, Smiler. I dunno, maybe he didn't like me? Anyway, moving on.
Date #4 is Thursday night. Dinner in Berkeley! This guy seems really funny. The downside: he continually---throughout his profile AND our message exchanges---refers to himself in the third person. Is Jimmy gonna like me?
Oh: and Rebel sent me a message and asked me out again. So I guess I have to negotiate the thoughtful-but-firm refusal. So bad at this....
*And because it sounds sort of ominous, right? Like Dick Tracy, or Batman!
**Then again, a year ago I didn't think I was a total BITCH, and one of my readers will contend that he hated me for several months because I was exactly that to him over Thanksgiving dinner. So please do correct me if I'm wrong.
Wednesday: Peter (herein known as The Guy). This date will likely completely kick off our poly relationship since there's been clarification on both sides. We're so into each other that I feel like a horny, giddy teenager. I absolutely cannot promise to keep my clothes on. SQUEEEEEEEEE!
Thursday: I've been "promised" a date by the mysterious Mr. M. Although this has the most potential to be a FWB situation, I absolutely promise to keep my clothes on.
Friday: Oh book group with middle-aged women, why must you consume my evening?
Saturday: First date with the poly F. (his preferred nickname). He's taking me (although I will bring cash) to a really nice restaurant. I've already bought two dresses, two pairs of shoes, and a new clutch in preparation and will book appointments for a hair cut/color, mani/pedi, and brow wax. I know that I'm fabulous as I am but there's also a way I want to look going into this date: self-assured, well-dressed, and sophisticated. All the better to make him melt. Based on our correspondence so far, SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sunday: Peter again if I can swing it but I think I may need to start paying attention to my non-date extracurriculars.
Anyways, I went on another date today with Waterplant Dude, so called since he has an aquarium which he keeps mainly since he really likes to take care of the water plants. He was funny, we had a cool somewhat nerdy discussion about various things. It was all very nice and jolly and... somewhat boring to be honest, not that spark that I'm looking for. That spark that some people have mentioned as "want to take you home" spark. Still, if he suggests a second date, I'll go for it! I think he might have been a bit nervous actually! And me a bit stressed about various things, so I was friendly and nice but could probably have been better/more focused.
I've also been thinking about this whole thing, whether it is such a good idea or not to go on a gazillion dates, and in the end. Yes. It is a good thing. But it is also really addictive to get that attention! I think I'll have to watch out so I wont get too addicted... Haha, well, try to not get addicted at least... :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Friday is a girl who messaged me about biking in the cold with whom I've had a nice back-and-forth the last few days. We're going to a movie. The second is a guy whom I messaged about his unique profile name - it is a movie character that inspired me to actually watch the movie. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay awake though it... But, I am certain it was because I was tired.
There is another craigslist girl who keeps doing this "we should hang out" thing, but when I suggest a time/place, she either takes days to respond or says something like "I'll let you know." The last time she called in advance to suggest we hang out on a Monday without wanting to specify a time/place, and then left a message on Sunday saying something like she was busy in the evening, but we should hang out during the day. Um, yea. Some of us have work. I'm trying really hard not to be annoyed by this behavior, but I may have to just be "really busy" next time I hear from her. And, now that I've got these two dates lined up, it may not be so far from the truth.
Now, just to pick the outfits and deal with the nerves...
Or is that just me brainstorming for my creative writing class?
But before I get started on him, let me say that I am only a couple dudes into my ten date challenge, and I can already see that this is going to do me some good. A friend of mine called this datealong "Dating School" for me, and really that is pretty accurate. The point of all this for me is not to meet Mister Right but to practice, to try myself out in a bunch of different situations with a bunch of different people. It feels very different to think about whether I'd like a second date with Guy X when I can literally see other possibilities. I'm one of those people who tends to think every guy I like is IT for me, which is not a good thing when their behavior takes a turn for the worse and I start making excuses for it.
And so, I maintain that I will see out this ten date challenge, that I will keep slogging away with OKC, and that even if it does happen that I meet someone who I 'specially like I will keep going out with new people. How did I put this to Catherine the other day? It is good to move very slowly into investing in people. Yeah.
So! Date #2.
I met Rebel at a restaurant that even the people who make fun of me for liking admit has the BEST MILKSHAKES EVER. He was cute, and not chubby like I had expected him to be because his profile photos are sort of... nonspecific. One of the first things he revealed was that he is from Orange County. I tried not to let this color my impression of him (the OC is notoriously wealthy and conservative, and people from there have a er, reputation) but as the evening went on he did seem like kind of a dilettante. He has a job in graphic design that he claimed his company practically begged him to take. I asked him what kind of design he does. "You know when you're on a website and you see those double-underlined words, and when you hover over them an ad pops up?" "Yes," I replied. He smiled. "That's me." Hmmm, cool. Well, we all gotta eat, right? And own a car. (No small feat in San Francisco.) And go to art school just for kicks. And buy "several hundred dollars" worth of paintbrushes and then never use them because oil paint has toxins. I sure don't think it's BAD to have money, but I also think it's good to be aware of one's privilege, and put genuine thought into how you spend your money and stuff. But whatevs.
So Rebel is in his mid-thirties, and he kept saying things that made him sound 17. Things like:
--"I have a real problem with authority figures."
--(in response to an offer by a parent to share a home) "I could never live with my parents again. I just can't stand anyone telling me what to do."
--"I don't do well with having a boss."
--"I just don't care about grades." (yes, he really said that)
--"And then I was like, why do I believe in this stuff?" (Catholicism)
(Oh, and when I told him about the very religious town I grew up in, he asked me "so are you an atheist now?" in a tone that hinted he was just waiting for me to say "yes" so he could talk about his own lack of faith, and when I said "no, I don't subscribe to any particular religion, but I haven't written them off," he fell into dead silence. Heh.)
Anyway, we did have some things in common, and like I said, he was cute, so I was thinking maybe I should give him one more chance just in case he made an iffy first impression, but my panel of IRL judges nixed it. As they said, if you're not totally into someone from date 1, it's not likely you'll feel any differently on date 2. So, guess it's curtains for the Rebel.
Tonight: Date #3!! Stay tuned!!