Friday, February 12, 2010


Okay, where've I been.... Well. I've been having a rough time and it's making my datealong participation really hard. I'm sorry, I'm not much fun right now! I've even had some nice contacts and went on another good date, and I'm just.... exhausted. I can't bring myself to keep in touch with any of them. But the thing is, this ALWAYS happens. Gaahh!! I have trauma issues that make it scary for me to be touched and sometimes even looked at. And I'm in the middle of a confrontation and I feel so vulnerable...... But on the other hand, goddammit, I am a healthy red-blooded American lady and I goddamn want to date. Agh, I'm so frustrated.

I actually have a third date planned with Date #1. He is super, super nice and has not made the LEAST bit of a romantic overture toward me, which makes him feel nonthreatening. Heh. When he emails me, he asks about things that are going on in my life. He's very friendly and easy to talk to. He asked me out for Valentine's Day dinner, and I said sure but suggested a really casual place (local no-name Thai restaurant) so hopefully this will all just stay friendly. I like him, but geez, I've only met him in person two times. I just don't get wanting to make out or fool around with people you haven't known in person for quite a while---I mean, I GET it, and I think it can be awesome, but it's like my body doesn't get it. I just don't respond or develop a romantic interest in people until my warped little brain has determined them "safe," and that takes a really long time. Which is why I guess this online thing never works for me. Well.'s an experience, right?

Well, as to why I am single, mystery solved. *groan*

1 comment:

  1. Aww, Agnes, I'm sorry that it's been so hard. That sounds like a lot of pressure. What if you treated your need to get to know people well before you get physical with them as normal? I mean, who says it should be some other way? We're all in it to actually connect with people, not just get some play, right? (ok, maybe some of us would like some play eventually as well), but who's to say what that schedule should look like? I say you enjoy the dates just as dates and don't put pressure on yourself to do anything that feels uncomfortable at the moment...and that includes keeping in touch - you din't have to if you don't feel like it. The awesome thing about internet dating is that you get to set the rules for how you want it to work, and if one fellow isn't down with it, another one will roll along soon enough. Thank you, internet!