Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Datethisbitch #3: The Smiler

Okay, so sometimes you meet people from the internet, and you think "man! he/she is so cool! Why on earth does this person have to meet dates on the INTERNET? Hm, do I have time to go to the bathroom and sob into the mirror for an hour?" And then, sometimes, you meet people and your first thought post-handshake is "I absolutely know why this person cannot meet dates in real life." Case in point: The Smiler.

I call him The Smiler because that was all he damn did. The WHOLE. TIME*. I seriously got maybe eight words out of this guy. I met him at a bar that I really like, a bar that is fully decked out in taxidermy and weird objects and lights and beads and shit. He commented on how cool it was, and I made a funny joke about Chili's. He laughed, and then when the laughter stopped, he looked at me and said... nothing. Okay, that's cool. I don't mind being the one to get the conversation going. I asked him about his work. He told me where it is located, and that he hates it. I asked him what it was he does at work. He told me really boring web design, and he hates it. Ok.... so what would you like to do instead? Well..... I'd like to work with food. Oh! how interesting! Are you a chef? Yeah, I went to culinary school, and I worked at a couple restaurants... And then nothing. A good conversation would start, and then just... stop. And he would just sit there and smile nervously. I had to prompt every single time for more info. ("What kind of restaurants?" "Did you like it?" "What kind of food do you like to make?")

I don't think I am an overbearing person, conversation-wise,** although I can be a bit of a chatterbox if you get me going. But there was just no give and take here. Over the hour-and-a-half date it went from awkward-cute to odd to unbearable. Finally I was so uncomfortable that I said I'd better get home, I had to work tomorrow.

It was 8:30.

Too bad, Smiler. I dunno, maybe he didn't like me? Anyway, moving on.
Date #4 is Thursday night. Dinner in Berkeley! This guy seems really funny. The downside: he continually---throughout his profile AND our message exchanges---refers to himself in the third person. Is Jimmy gonna like me?

Oh: and Rebel sent me a message and asked me out again. So I guess I have to negotiate the thoughtful-but-firm refusal. So bad at this....

*And because it sounds sort of ominous, right? Like Dick Tracy, or Batman!

**Then again, a year ago I didn't think I was a total BITCH, and one of my readers will contend that he hated me for several months because I was exactly that to him over Thanksgiving dinner. So please do correct me if I'm wrong.


  1. I like the "I'm just not the right girl for you" line. That worked like a charm with my ZZZZ date.

  2. Thanks, Eloquent! I said just that, and it felt like a classy response.

  3. Classy - my new favorite way to be. (It's aspirational right now.)

  4. Ugh, sounds painful! I wonder if he was shy or just dull.