Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Clover's Guide to Dating Success

Following Agnes's (datethisbitch) lead, I'm posting my list of dating tips that I've gathered throughout my dating life. Please do not make the same mistakes I did. You will be a much happier dater because of it!

1. If your date wants to take you to his favorite movie of all time, and his favorite movie of all time is a superhero movie, and you don't like superhero movies, suggest an alternative date. Or, come up with something positive to say about the movie so you don't stand there like an idiot trying to say something better than, "It was really long."

2. Don't go on a first date with a guy you met in the comments section of a blog focused on celebrity gossip, relationship advice, and fashion.

3. 5"8 on an online profile doesn't always mean 5"8. Sometimes it means 5"6, or 5"4.

4. If you end up sleeping over at your date's house, in his bed, without even kissing, something weird is going on. Either find out what it is, or end it.

5. Your first date's annoying voice and awful smelling cologne will only be even more abrasive and stinky on the second date. So if you are put off by the sound of his voice or his scent, don't go on a second date.

6. If your date tells you he's a virgin and likes anal play, don't make out with him.

7. If you do use your blackberry on the first date, be sure and tell your date that you're giving your huge, beefy, tough coworker your date's license plate number just in case you go missing. Then smile sweetly.

8. From my roommate: If during your first date your date shows you scantily clad photos of his sisters and talks about how great you'd look pregnant you need to change your phone number right away because he's going to call you 100 times the next day.

9. Don't ever, under any circumstance, give your date career advice. This will instantly move you from the "potential lover" category to the "free life coach" category.

10. If you're on a date at a Chinese restaurant and you can tell that your date is much more interested in you than you are in him and your fortune cookie says "happiness is right in front of you" assume that it is referring to the river in the photograph on the wall and do your best to keep your date from asking you what it says.

11. Remember all the best details so you can blog about it later.


  1. #11 - YES!

    #4 - What is UP with that? This is one thing I've never been able to figure out the couple of times it's happened. Always chalked it up to my own lack of the skillz. Are you implying that there's actually an explanation for this?

  2. I don't know what the explanation is, because I over-analyzed it to death and ended up seeing the guy twice after that happened--still no kissing. I'm thinking either he just wasn't attracted to me or he wanted to be a gentleman.

    I'm glad to hear it's not just me who's experienced this!

  3. #8 = my fave advice EVER.

    #10 - not far behind.